10. Home Alone (1990) – 47%
I hate this movie, but it holds a special place in my childhood so it HAS to make the list. My favorite quote from this atrocity, only because the picture of the girl cracks me up every time:

“Buzz! Your girlfriend! Woof!”

9. A Christmas Story (1983) – 88%
Honestly, this one barely even makes my list. I can tolerate seeing it one, MAYBE, two times each year before I’m ready to strangle Ralphie. The entire movie, for me, is made in two scenes: One. The father’s prized lamp. Two. Ralph beats the snot out of the bully.

“Only I didn’t say “Fudge.” I said THE word, the big one, the queen-mother of dirty words, the “F-dash-dash-dash” word!”

8. Scrooged (1988) – 63%
Billy Murray as Frank Cross in a modernization of the classic novel A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens. Frank Cross runs a US TV station which is planning a live adaptation of Dickens’ Christmas Carol. Frank’s childhood wasn’t a particularly pleasant one, and so he doesn’t really appreciate the Christmas spirit. With the help of the ghosts of Christmas past, present and future, Frank realizes he must change.

“James Cross: You know what they say about people who treat other people bad on the way up? Frank Cross: Yeah, you get to treat ‘em bad on the way back down too. It’s great, you get two chances to rough ‘em up.”

7. Die Hard (1988) – 94%
Bruce Willis, in his bad ass style, mows down a bunch of terrorists on Christmas Eve. Enough said.

“Hans Gruber: This time John Wayne does not walk off into the sunset with Grace Kelly. John McClane: That was Gary Cooper, asshole.”

6. Elf (2003) – 84%
A great holiday comedy, destined to be a minor classic. This razzle-dazzle fantasy by actor-director Jon Favreau tells the off-center tale of a human, played by a rather fey Will Ferrell, raised by Santa’s elves, who at age 30 goes off in search of his father, a New York City book publisher played by a weary-looking James Caan. Much hilarity ensues, as the merry Ferrell teaches the frumpy Caan the true meaning of Christmas. Some hysterically funny moments, such as Caan coming upon Ferrell sleeping in Gimbel’s (yes, Gimbel’s!) window and Ferrell running full-tilt into a steel locker after surprising Zooey Deschanel in the shower. This film owes nothing to Saturday Night Life, thank God, being wholly original in thought and content and character. By the way, the movie is just this side of being a musical, which will surprise and delight many moviegoers. The soundtrack is great, filled with memorable holiday tunes including a nice duet of “Baby It’s Cold Outside” featuring Ferrell and Deschanel.

“It’s just like Santa’s workshop! Except it smells like mushrooms… and everyone looks like they wanna hurt me..”

5. National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation (1989) – 62%
“Clark: Hey, Kids, I heard on the news that an airline pilot spotted Santa’s sleigh on its way in from New York City. Eddie: You serious, Clark?”

4. Love Actually (2003) – 63%
I’m a guy, a straight guy, which means I like movies where stuff gets blown up, and this is quite simply one of my favorite movies. It’s not for everyone, as the writing is clever and will probably go over the heads of some, but what an amazing film this truly turns out to be. If you don’t feel good after watching this movie, you’re probably an ignorant schmutz. Amazing acting and an intricate series of subplots cleverly woven together to show the different sides of “love” is the idea behind it. In fact, it’s one of the better comedies on the “romantic comedy” scale. In the long run it turns out to be more of a romantic comedy than a Christmas movie, but that’s a-okay. If you like to be entertained and moved, and every movie doesn’t have to have people and property blown to bits, watch it.

“But wouldn’t it be great if Number One this Christmas wasn’t some smug teenager, but an old ex-heroin addict searching for a comeback at any price?”

3. How the Grinch Stole Christmas (1966) – 100%
The Grinch is iconic. I can’t think of another movie, currently, that has turned a word into a description for someone. “Don’t be such a Grinch.” Not only that, but it holds a perfect Rotten Tomatoes score. Not an easy feat, especially for a cartoon!

“You’re a vile one, Mr. Grinch. You have termites in your smile. You have all the tender sweetness of a seasick crocodile. Mr. Grinch.”

2. White Christmas (1954) – 74%
Wallace and Davis. Army buddies turned entertainment duo. I can’t help but laugh just thinking about the scene where the boys go to see Betty and Judy do their “sisters” act. The ladies evade their landlord and local sheriff by Wallace and Davis distracting everyone by performing their “sisters” act. Still to this day it is one of the most memorable comedic song-and-dance scenes in cinema. The movie rounds out with the gang holding a variety show at a lodge in Vermont hoping for snowfall to help rejuvenate business for the owner, an old army colleague. How can you go wrong with a movie where Danny Kaye and Bing Crosby dress in drag and perform a song-and-dance number? You can’t.

“Wallace: Oh, Phil, when are you going to learn that girls like that are a dime a dozen? Davis: Please, don’t quote me the price when I haven’t got the time.”

1. It’s a Wonderful Life (1946) – 95%
Not only does this rank as the best Christmas movie of all time, but as one of the best movies ever made in general. From following George Bailey through his struggle to find that life is the world’s most precious gift to the development of every character, this movie just plain rocks. Every time I finish this movie I feel good, like I’m happy to be alive. Interesting side fact, did you know that the Sesame Street characters Bert and Ernie got their names from this flick? It’s a masterpiece. There, I said it. If you haven’t seen it, punch yourself. After waking up from knocking yourself out, which you should be punching that hard if you haven’t seen It’s a Wonderful Life and YES it should be in the face, then run out and buy it. Don’t Netflix it. Buy it. This is a movie that you and your family will want to watch every year around Christmas time. Are you a man? You’ll love this movie because George Bailey stands up for what he believes in. He sacrifices everything he loves for his friends and family. George Bailey is a man. Are you a woman? Mary Hatch knows what she wants. She’s determined, passionate and won’t be pushed around. Seriously, on both sides of the ball you have a great movie so why are you still reading this and not watching it? My favorite quote from this movie is as follows:

“Dear George, remember no man is a failure who has friends. Thanks for the wings, Love Clarence.”

First, let’s remember that being healthy is not just a “for one week I’ll eat healthy” type of decision. Being fit, healthy and in shape is a lifestyle choice. Also, just eating healthy is not enough (even though I consider it to be the most important pillar of being in shape.. and the hardest.) You must be active! Get your body in motion. Find the activities that you love to do that get your heart rate up like running, rowing, lifting weights, swimming, sports, cycling, etc. Combine that with a healthy diet and you will be on your way to feeling better than you ever have before. You will sleep better, feel better, have more energy, be more confident and be happier. I guarantee it.

In regards to this list: it was compiled from several health magazines and websites that I have used over the last few years that I have found beneficial to me for a better diet. I, wholeheartedly, believe that a reason we eat poorly is due to a lack of knowledge for what is actually “okay” for us to buy when deciding to eat better. This list is a tool that I have used when shopping at the grocery store to put me on the right path to a healthy eating lifestyle. Of course, it isn’t perfect and not everything on here is the supreme/perfect healthiest choice, but it’s a great place to start for anyone. Each section is broken down by type of food, best food, a short description or some details and then a break down of nutrition facts.

Hopefully, you will find this beneficial in your decision to better yourself.

Best Foods for Healthy Eating – The list of foods in MS Word form for your printing needs

Healthy Log – Excel spreadsheet of a daily log to keep track of your healthy habits

[Breads and Grains]

1. Best Cereal
Kashi Whole Wheat Biscuits, Cinnamon Harvest
One bowl packs the fiber you need to stay full until lunch.
Per 2 oz (28 biscuits): 180 calories, 6 g protein, 43 g carbs (5 g fiber), 1 g fat

2. Best Instant Oatmeal
Quaker Weight Control Instant Oatmeal, Cinnamon
This morning meal has a sane number of calories and won’t jolt your taste buds with too much sugar.
Per packet: 160 calories, 7 g protein, 29 g carbs (6 g fiber), 3 g fat

3. Best Steel-Cut Oats
Arrowhead Mills Organic Steel Cut Oats Hot Cereal
It’s nuttier and more filling than instant oatmeal.
Per 1/4 cup: 160 calories, 6 g protein, 27 g carbs (8 g fiber), 3 g fat

4. Best Granola
Nature’s Path Organic Pomegran Plus Granola with Cherries
Mix it into Greek yogurt.
Per 3/4 cup: 250 calories, 5 g protein, 38 g carbs (4 g fiber), 9 g fat

5. Best Breakfast Bar
Kind Plus Almond Cashew + Omega-3
A crunchy, craving-busting bar with just nine ingredients.
Per bar: 150 calories, 4 g protein, 18 g carbs (4 g fiber), 9 g fat

6. Best English Muffin
Rudi’s Organic Whole Grain Wheat English Muffins
Upgrade your breakfast: Top it with tomato, egg, and swiss.
Per muffin: 120 calories, 5 g protein, 23 g carbs (3 g fiber), 1 g fat

7. Best Sliced Bread
Arnold Grains & More Bread, 100% Whole Wheat Triple Health
No high-fructose corn syrup and plenty of fiber.
Per slice: 100 calories, 4 g protein, 20 g carbs (6 g fiber), 2 g fat

8. Best Burger Bun
Arnold Select Sandwich Thins, Whole Wheat
Less bread so you can taste more meat.
Per bun: 100 calories, 5 g protein, 21 g carbs (5 g fiber), 1 g fat

9. Best Hot Dog Roll
Pepperidge Farm Classic Whole Grain White
A tasty bun that stands up to loads of sauerkraut.
Per roll: 110 calories, 6 g protein, 21 g carbs (2 g fiber), 1 g fat

10. Best Pita
Weight Watchers 100% Whole Wheat
Perfect for a sandwich on the go.
Per pita: 100 calories, 7 g protein, 24 g carbs (9 g fiber), 1 g fat

11. Best Pizza Crust
Rustic Crust Organic Great Grains
Top with thinly sliced potatoes, chopped leeks, prosciutto, and blue cheese; bake at 450°F for 15 minutes.
Per 1/6 crust: 140 calories, 5 g protein, 25 g carbs (1 g fiber), 1.5 g fat

12. Best Whole-Wheat Pasta
Bionaturae Organic 100% Whole Wheat Spaghetti
A whole-wheat pasta that doesn’t taste like cardboard.
Per 2 oz: 180 calories, 7 g protein, 35 g carbs (6 g fiber), 1.5 g fat

13. Best Regular Pasta
Ronzoni Smart Taste Spaghetti
It’s smart because it has as much calcium as a glass of milk and three times the fiber of regular pasta.
Per 2 oz: 180 calories, 6 g protein, 43 g carbs (7 g fiber), 0.5 g fat

14. Best Quick-Cooking Rice
Uncle Ben’s Ready Rice Whole Grain Brown
The easiest side dish ever. Microwave for 90 seconds and you’re good to go.
Per cup: 240 calories, 5 g protein, 39 g carbs (2 g fiber), 3 g fat

15. Best Grain
Bob’s Red Mill Organic Whole Grain Quinoa
Per 1/4 cup: 170 calories, 7 g protein, 30 g carbs (3 g fiber), 2.5 g fat

16. Best Flour
King Arthur Flour 100% Organic Unbleached White Whole Wheat
Rich in fiber, but with a light flavor.
Per 1/4 cup: 100 calories, 4 g protein, 18 g carbs (3 g fiber), 0.5 g fat

[Protein]

17. Best Bacon
Oscar Mayer Center Cut Naturally Smoked
Don’t fear bacon—it’s low in calories. You need only a couple of strips to add flavor to potato salad, pizza, or soup.
Per 3 slices: 70 calories, 7 g protein, 4.5 g fat

[Frozen Foods]

18. Best Fish Sticks
Dr. Praeger’s Sensible Foods Fish Sticks, Potato Crusted
Try them topped with lemon juice, freshly ground black pepper, and chopped parsley for a grown-up meal.
Per 3 sticks: 120 calories, 6 g protein, 7 g carbs (<1 g fiber), 6 g fat

19. Best French Fries
Cascadian Farm Crinkle Cut French Fries
No partially hydrogenated oil (a.k.a. trans fat).
Per 18 pieces: 110 calories, 2 g protein, 17 g carbs (2 g fiber), 4 g fat

20. Best Waffle
Van’s 8 Whole Grains Multigrain
Top these fiber-rich waffles with yogurt and fruit for breakfast.
Per 2 waffles: 180 calories, 3 g protein, 31 g carbs (6 g fiber), 7 g fat

21. Best Vegetable
Cascadian Farm Organic Garden Peas
You don’t even need butter—these peas require only a pinch of sea salt to taste amazing.
Per 2/3 cup: 70 calories, 4 g protein, 12 g carbs (4 g fiber)

22. Best Fruit
Whole Foods 365 Everyday Value Organic Berry Blend
Keep a bag on hand for smoothies.
Per 3/4 cup: 70 calories, 1 g protein, 15 g carbs (3 g fiber)

[Dairy and Deli]

23. Best All-Purpose Cheese
Bella Rosa Parmigiano Reggiano
Grate it on everything from pasta to pizza to soup.
Per grated Tbsp: 20 calories, 2 g protein, 1.5 g fat

24. Best Sour Cream
Breakstone’s All Natural
Stir in the juice and zest of a lime and some chopped scallions to make an awesome taco topping.
Per 2 Tbsp: 60 calories, 1 g protein, 1 g carbs, 5 g fat

25. Best Butter
Keller’s Whipped Butter, Salted
Big butter flavor, with fewer calories than your typical stick of butter.
Per Tbsp: 70 calories, 7 g fat

26. Best Butter Spread
Keller’s Spreadable Butter with Canola Oil
Our tasters agree: This brand tastes like the real deal, and spreads easily.
Per Tbsp: 100 calories, 11 g fat

[Jarred and Canned Goods]

27. Best Refried Beans
Eden Organic Spicy Refried Black Beans
These spicy beans pack in big flavor, and despite the “refried” part, only a bit of added fat.
Per 1/2 cup: 110 calories, 6 g protein, 18 g carbs (7 g fiber), 1.5 g fat

28. Best Canned Beans
Eden Organic Black Beans
Simmer these antioxidant-rich beans with sauteed onions and peppers for an easy side.
Per 1/2 cup: 110 calories, 7 g protein, 18 g carbs (6 g fiber), 1 g fat

29. Best Canned Tomatoes
Cento San Marzano Organic Peeled Tomatoes
Chopped until slightly chunky, these tomatoes are perfect for homemade pizza.
Per 1/2 cup: 25 calories, 1 g protein, 5 g carbs (2 g fiber)

30. Best Olives
Mezzetta Jalapeno Stuffed Olives
Just one, straight out of the jar, makes an instant salty-spicy snack—or a great spicy addition to a martini. For an amazing salsa, chop some up and mix them with diced tomatoes and cilantro.
Per olive: 10 calories, 1 g carbs, 1 g fat

31. Best Pickle
Woodstock Farms Organic Kosher Whole Dill Pickles
Crispier and tastier than typical jarred varieties. Slide one of these alongside your next sandwich.
Per pickle: 10 calories, 2 g carbs

[Spreads, Dips, and Toppings]

32. Best Ketchup
Heinz Organic
This version of the classic ketchup tastes fresher and brighter than the non-organic variety.
Per Tbsp: 20 calories, 5 g carbs

33. Best Mayonnaise
Kraft with Olive Oil Reduced Fat
For a killer spicy mayo that’ll wake up your sandwich, combine this with hot sauce to taste.
Per Tbsp: 45 calories, 2 g carbs, 4 g fat

34. Best BBQ Sauce
Pork Barrel
Slap this relatively low-calorie sauce on chicken just minutes before it comes off the grill for a tangy, smoky flavor, or drizzle it over a roast-pork sandwich.
Per 2 Tbsp: 35 calories, <1 g protein, 8 g carbs

35. Best Steak Sauce
Peter Luger Steak House Old Fashioned Sauce
Upgrade your next steak with the tangy, lightly spicy sauce from Brooklyn’s iconic chophouse.
Per Tbsp: 30 calories, 7 g carbs

36. Best Tomato Sauce
La Famiglia DelGrosso Pasta Sauce, Chef John’s Tomato Basil Masterpiece
It tastes like fresh tomatoes; not sugary like most jarred sauces.
Per 1/2 cup: 70 calories, 1 g protein, 8 g carbs (2 g fiber), 4 g fat

37.Best Salsa
Santa Barbara Salsa (Medium)
Unlike many other jarred and fresh salsas we tested, this one was not too sweet or salty, with a fresh, chunky texture.
Per oz: 10 calories, 2 g carbs

38. Best Guacamole
Yucatan Organic Guacamole
Some “guacamole flavor” dips contain little actual avocado. This brand lists organic Hass avocados as the first ingredient.
Per 2 Tbsp: 60 calories, 1 g protein, 3 g carbs (2 g fiber), 4.5 g fat

39. Best Peanut Butter
Once Again Organic American Classic Creamy
Slather some on a waffle for an awesome breakfast.
Per 2 Tbsp: 190 calories, 7 g protein, 7 g carbs (2 g fiber), 15 g fat

40. Best Jam/Fruit Spread
Dickinson’s Organic Strawberry Fruit Spread
Spoon onto vanilla ice cream for the perfect sundae.
Per Tbsp: 45 calories, 11 g carbs

41. Best Condiment
Flora Sundried Tomato Bruschetta
Brush on baguette slices and top with fresh mozzarella, prosciutto, and basil, or stir into pasta with roasted vegetables.
Per 2 Tbsp: 150 calories, 7 g protein, 1 g carbs, 13 g fat

42. Best Dip
Summer Fresh Baba Ghanouj Creamy Roasted Eggplant Dip
This smooth Middle Eastern dip tastes great with warmed pita.
Per 2 Tbsp: 110 calories, 1 g protein, 1 g carbs, 12 g fat

43. Best Hummus
Cedar’s Original Hommus Tahini
Creamy, with a punch of garlic. Add a drizzle of extra-virgin olive oil to enhance the flavors.
Per 2 Tbsp: 60 calories, 2 g protein, 4 g carbs (1 g fiber), 4.5 g fat

44. Best Salad Dressing
Drew’s Roasted Garlic & Peppercorn Salad Dressing
Unlike most creamy dressings, this one’s light enough not to clobber the flavor of the rest of the salad.
Per Tbsp: 70 calories, 8 g fat

45. Best Pancake Syrup
Spring Tree 100% Pure All Natural Maple Syrup Grade A Dark Amber
Real maple syrup doesn’t have high-fructose corn syrup or a cloying aftertaste.
Per Tbsp: 53 calories, 13 g carbs

[Snacks]

46. Best Pretzel
Herr’s Pretzel Sticks, Whole Grain, Honey Wheat
The fiber in this snack will help fill you up.
Per 7 pretzels: 110 calories, 3 g protein, 22 g carbs (4 g fiber), 1 g fat

47. Best Tortilla Chip
Miguel’s Organic Everything Tortilla Dippers
Our tasters went back for seconds.
Per 10 chips: 140 calories, 2 g protein, 18 g carbs (2 g fiber), 7 g fat

48. Best Cracker
Kashi Original 7 Grain Snack Crackers
Dip into hummus for a better game-day snack.
Per 15 crackers: 120 calories, 3 g protein, 21 g carbs (2 g fiber), 3.5 g fat

49. Best Nut
Planters Nutrition Almonds
For an instant gut-filling snack, reach for these nuts, seasoned only with sea salt.
Per 28 g (about 2 Tbsp): 170 calories, 6 g protein, 6 g carbs (3 g fiber), 15 g fat

50. Best Dried Fruit
Peeled Snacks Much-Ado-About Mango
No added sugar or artificial flavors, and only one ingredient: mango.
Per bag: 120 calories, 2 g protein, 28 g carbs (2 g fiber)

51. Best Trail Mix
Sahale Snacks Southwest Cashews
Not your forest ranger’s gorp: This snack is flavored with chili powder and Cheddar.
Per 1/4 cup: 140 calories, 5 g protein, 10 g carbs (1 g fiber)

52. Best Snack Bar
Larabar Peanut Butter Cookie
The perfect way to power through to a late lunch.
Per bar: 220 calories, 7 g protein, 23 g carbs (4 g fiber), 12 g fat

53. Best Chocolate Bar
Dagoba Organic Beaucoup Berries
Dried fruit boosts flavor and antioxidants.
Per bar: 250 calories, 5 g protein, 27 g carbs (7 g fiber), 19 g fat

[Cooking Staples]

54. Best Hot Sauce
Huy Fong Foods Tuong Ot Sriracha
Made from hot chilies, this sauce delivers a burn that enhances everything from scrambled eggs to chicken wings to salsa.
Per tsp: 5 calories, 1 g carbs

55. Best Everyday Oil
Spectrum Organic Canola Oil
Its neutral taste is suitable for everyday cooking, and it has a well-balanced fatty acids profile, to help fight disease.
Per Tbsp: 120 calories, 14 g fat

56. Best High-end Olive Oil
Yellingbo Gold Extra Virgin Olive Oil
This peppery, light-bodied oil tastes amazing drizzled on fresh pasta, mozzarella, or crusty bread.
Per Tbsp: 120 calories, 14 g fat

57. Best Vinegar
Colavita Balsamic Vinegar
Mix 1/4 cup of this with 1/2 cup of olive oil, chopped herbs, and some shavings of Parmesan cheese, salt, and pepper. Stir well for an easy vinaigrette.
Per Tbsp: 15 calories, 3 g carbs

58. Best Salt
Maldon Sea Salt Flakes
This salt is perfect for heightening the flavors of fish, meat, or vegetables after they’re cooked. Try it on a rib eye steak and taste the difference.
0 calories

59. Best Black Pepper
Simply Organic Whole Black Peppercorns
Forget the preground stuff in the shaker. Freshly ground pepper and sea salt are the cornerstones of flavorful cooking. Use each to your taste.
0 calories

60. Best Bread Crumbs
Wel-Pac Japanese Style Panko Bread Crumbs
A lighter, crunchier Japanese variety that’s great sprinkled over sautéed string beans.
Per 1/2 cup: 110 calories, 4 g protein, 20 g carbs (1 g fiber), 1 g fat

61. Best Low-sodium Broth
Pacific Natural Foods Organic Free Range Chicken
Tastes like homemade, with far less sodium than most brands. Use it as a base for soups.
Per 1 cup: 15 calories, 2 g protein, 1 g carbs

62. Best Soy Sauce
Kikkoman Less Sodium Soy Sauce
Use it as a salt substitute in soups, marinades, and dressings to add a savory flavor to your meals that’s deeper than salt.
Per Tbsp: 10 calories, 1 g protein, 1 g carbs

[Drinks]

63. Best Bottled Water
Fiji
When you’re not pouring purified water into a reusable canteen bottle, pick up this water: Our tasters preferred its clean, crisp flavor over that of other brands.
0 calories

64. Best Sport Drink
Zico Pure Coconut Water with Mango
An 11-ounce serving packs more potassium than a banana (and a lot more than your average sport drink), all for a modest calorie count.
Per 11 oz: 60 calories, 1 g protein, 15 g carbs

65. Best Fruit Juice
Simply Grapefruit
Naturally lower in sugar than other fruit juices and loaded with lycopene, it’s the most underrated juice in the cooler. Mix it with sparkling water for a healthy riff on soda.
Per 8 oz: 90 calories, 21 g carbs

66. Best Vegetable Juice
V8 100% Vegetable Juice, Low Sodium
This low-salt version (only 140 milligrams of sodium per cup) actually tastes better than the full-sodium version.
Per 8 oz: 50 calories, 2 g protein, 10 g carbs (2 g fiber), 140 mg sodium

67. Best Bottled Smoothie
Bolthouse Farms Berry Boost
Not eating enough fruit? Drink this blend of blackberries, boysenberries, and raspberries.
Per 8 oz: 130 calories, 30 g carbs (4 g fiber)

68. Best Caffeinated Bag Tea
Numi Organic Aged Earl Grey Black Tea
This aged tea is more robust than your grandma’s variety and bold enough to sub in for your morning cup of coffee.
0 calories

69. Best Herbal Bag Tea
Stash Peppermint
Peppermint packs disease-fighting antioxidants and may help calm an upset stomach.
0 calories

70. Best Coffee
Illy Ground Coffee
A dark roast that brews up beautifully.
0 calories

71. Best Instant Coffee
Starbucks VIA Ready Brew
Be your own barista: Pour a packet into your mug, add hot water, and stir. No pot (or paper cup) needed.
0 calories

72. Best Beer
Hoegaarden
A light-bodied Belgian brew with hints of spice and orange. It’ll satisfy beer snobs—and regular folks, too.
Per 11.2 oz: about 175 calories

73. Best Microbrew
Bell’s Hopslam
This microbrewery’s intense double India pale ale is flavorful and satisfyingly bitter. It deserves to be savored, not chugged.
Per 12 oz: 280 calories

74. Best Low-calorie Beer
Guinness Draught
Dark does not equal heavy. This smooth Irish brew may have a few more calories than most light beers, but it also packs much more satisfaction.
Per 12 oz: 126 calories, 10 g carbs

75. Best White Wine Under $15
Pacific Rim Dry Riesling, Columbia Valley, 2007
This versatile bargain bottle grabbed our attention with apricot flavors that stand up even to Thai takeout.
Per 4 oz: 86 calories, 1 g carbs

76. Best Red Wine Under $20
Louis M. Martini Cabernet Sauvignon, Sonoma County, 2007
Delivers rich flavors of black cherry, blackberry, and fresh sage—and won’t make a big dent in your paycheck.
Per 4 oz: about 98 calories, 4 g carbs

Tonight, well, tonight is the night I become a man. Not only will I be paralleling a religious experience with a blackout, but I will attempt to log the process of what Four Loko does to a person for your knowledge. I would be naive to assume that this will not only entertain you, but also frighten you. My hopes are that through my experience with the drink they’ve nicknamed “blackout in a can” that you find humor first and foremost, and then tragically you will gain an understanding of the dangers of Four Loko through my stupidity.

Four Loko’s potential danger comes from mixing a stimulant (caffeine) with a depressant (alcohol). When alcohol and caffeine are combined people report feeling reduced sensations typically associated with alcohol believed to result from caffeine counteracting the depressive effects thus keeping the individual more alert. However, when the caffeine wears off the person feels the full effects of the alcohol. This can lead to excess consumption of alcohol because the delayed feeling of drunkenness leads an individual to seek additional alcohol to obtain the same sensations as those found in previous encounters.

Let me preface my experience with this: I can drink. A lot. I know my limitations VERY well and I’m careful when I do consume alcoholic beverages. I’m also a very active athlete. I consume a lot of water throughout the day, have a very strict, healthy diet and I exercise regularly. My mind/body was not ready for what I did.

Drinking is not smart. Drinking Four Loko is not smart. You should not drink it. You should not hang out with anyone who drinks it. It is dangerous and stupid, but I did it and you get to read what happened.

This happened, just like this. The only edits, additions and/or changes to the log were made for any spelling, grammatical errors or typos.

04:55 PM (tweet) – …and so it begins. I’m on my way to the adult beverage store to buy any remaining Four Loko. #FourLokoFriday

07:56 PM (tweet) – Dinner at Red Rock, a vodka press with it. Yes this is pre-Four Loko, no judging.

08:22 PM (tweet) – Vodka press #2 and dinner still hasn’t arrived. This will be a long night.

09:17 PM (voice recording, 31s) – Attempting to leave myself a personal message convincing myself I have not even yet begun to drink. I fail very convincingly several times at leaving this message until I finally just blurt out, “I might be tipsy, but I haven’t eaten since noon. I don’t make excuses, but it’s the beginning of the end. Why am I doing this?”

09:21 PM (tweet) – First drink of a lemonade Four Loko taken. It tastes like someone peed in a dog bowl and I fell face first in it.

09:26 PM (tweet) – 1/4 done of the lemonade. Still tasting horrible, I feel nothing but I know I will.

09:36 PM (tweet) – The last drink was worse than the first. How is this possible?

10:09 PM (tweet) -  A cat is trying to rub on me. Go away cat.

-Note: Jon and Lori’s cat Tex likes me. A lot.

10:28 PM (tweet) -  On the way to drop my car off. My 2nd Four Loko done. Better than the first, but only because I can’t taste anything anymore. Going out now?

10:52 PM (tweet) – Where am I?

11:19 PM (tweet) – Arriving at Edna’s.

11:30 PM (tweet) – Two Four Lokos down. At Edna’s. Beers. Lunchboxes. People.

-Note: Every time I buy a drink, I buy a beer. It’s a habit.

11:35 PM (tweet) – People from highschool. Why god why? What did I do to deserve this?

-Note: I’m not the biggest fan of running in to a lot of people from my past.

11:44 PM (tweet) – Back to the car for more Four Loko. I am not the center of attention in Edna’s and this makes me sad. My 3rd Four Loko makes me happy.

-Note: Hysterically sad, but true.. and funny.

12:15 AM (tweet) – Why do I subject myself to OKC bars when I just run into people I know? Go away. You’re just mad that you aren’t me.

-Note: I am very arrogant when I drink.

12:21 AM (tweet) – 4 lunchboxes.

12:23 AM (tweet) – 4 lunchboxes, 2 Four Loko, 2 vodka presses, numerous beers and a whole lot of partying.

12:58 AM (tweet) – Made it to Speakeasy. I need to use the restroom. Where is it?

01:14 AM (voice recording, 10m 19s) – Recorded a conversation between myself and a group of people that I know when I ran into them at Speakeasy. Here are some excerpts from the recording:

“It’s like drinking a monster that tastes kind of sour. That’s what it’s like.”

“It’s not a normal wasted.” —— “Normally when you go, ‘I’ve had a enough I’m done’ it doesn’t happen. You actually go, ‘YEAH LET’S TAKE SOME MORE!’ and that’s what happens. It’s like vodka redbulls. At the end of the night you really just ask yourself what you’ve done and why you did it.”

“I would like to publicly state that I beat up the Jolly Green Giant. Hey Chris, remember when I beat up that Jolly Green Giant and you were here? You’re very serious. Do you remember what I was wearing? I like you though, you did a good job when I was here.”

“Apparently you shouldn’t climb the fence to get back into Speakeasy when you’ve been thrown off the property my friend. Oh, and don’t dance with a dancing bear because they might be dancing, but hey, it’s still a bear.”

01:31 AM (tweet) – Why is it like Looney Toons. Where’s Roger Rabbit?

-Note: I know Roger Rabbit is not a Looney Toon when I’m sober, apparently I don’t when I’ve drank Four Loko.

02:00 AM (tweet) – Seriously.

02:15 AM (tweet) – Attempting to get my best friend to disco dance in front of Taco Bell.

02:26 AM (tweet) – My bestfriend is drunk at mi casa. I am consoling him.

02:50 AM (tweet) – Heart to heart with a best friend. The last phrase muttered was  “please stop breathing.”

03:10 AM (tweet) – Why is my life the most random occurrences put together.

Note: I decided to attempt to leave to go find more of a “party” some place. I made it down the stairs, to a car that wasn’t mine, attempted to open door of said car and realized (this is the best decision I made all night) that I was way too tired (not drunk) to drive. I returned to my home.

03:35 AM (tweet) – Am I doing things wrong? I tend to upset people without trying. My intentions are good but people come away upset. What did I do? #confused

Note: At this point my drunken debauchery/shenanigans had successfully made several people in my life upset with me. I’d like to be able to blame alcohol, but I think in reality I’m just a jerk.

Note #2: I passed out somewhere between 4:00 AM and 5:00 AM.

8:59 AM (tweet) – I’m alive, but I feel worse than death.

Taking two candies between my thumb and forefinger, I apply pressure, squeezing them together until one of them cracks and splinters. That is the “loser,” and I eat the inferior one immediately. The winner gets to go another round.

I have found that, in general, the brown and red M&Ms are tougher, and the newer blue ones are genetically inferior. I have hypothesized that the blue M&Ms as a race cannot survive long in the intense theatre of competition that is the modern candy and snack-food world.

Occasionally I will get a mutation, a candy that is misshapen, or pointier, or flatter than the rest. Almost invariably this proves to be a weakness, but on very rare occasions it gives the candy extra strength. In this way, the species continues to adapt to its environment.

When I reach the end of the pack, I am left with one M&M, the strongest of the herd. Since it would make no sense to eat this one as well, I pack it neatly in an envelope and send it to M&M Mars, A Division of Mars, Inc., Hackettstown, NJ 17840-1503 U.S.A., along with a 3×5 card reading, “Please use this M&M for breeding purposes.”

This week they wrote back to thank me, and sent me a coupon for a free 1/2 pound bag of plain M&Ms. I consider this “grant money.” I have set aside the weekend for a grand tournament. From a field of hundreds, we will discover the True Champion.

There can be only one.